It’s nap time here and I’m rocking my little boy. Except, he’s not so little anymore. He turned 21 months old this month. I keep thinking “how can that be?” My little 3 pound 10 ounce NICU baby is now inching towards 30 pounds and he’s taking after his Daddy who is 6’ 2.”
It’s true what “they” say. Whoever ”they” are. They grow up fast. “The days are long, but the years are short” people would say when he was still a newborn. But that isn’t what new and especially first time mamas want to hear. We’ll roll our eyes, thinking “I wish people would stop saying that” because we are living in the now. We are living the life of night feedings, waking to pump, waking to make sure our baby is still breathing because everyone keeps warning us about SIDS, changing what feels like 100 diapers a day, learning about this new, little being, worried if we are getting it right, figuring out how to be a mom (whether it’s the first time or the forth time because each baby is different), juggling our relationships, keeping up with the house, cooking dinner, taking care of everyone else, and also trying to take care of ourselves, because everyone also keeps telling us about “self care” and how important it is. Especially for a new mom. The lists goes on and on and it seems to never end. Yet, a lot of what we hear is “Make sure you savor each moment, it’ll be gone before you know it” and we feel pressured because we are literally in survival mode just trying to make it through each day in those first 6 months to a year.
I get it, they are trying to help. They are trying to tell you that you will miss these days. The days when they are little. The days when you’re exhausted, but you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. The days that you feel like you are getting every single thing wrong. The days that turn into nights when your baby won’t settle and sleep. The days that you finally get the baby down for a nap and UPS rings the doorbell and your dog starts barking frantically…there goes that moment of peace you so desperately needed. It’s the days that you wish away and wonder if this phase will ever end. You just want a full night’s sleep, a meal with your husband that doesn’t include a fussy baby needing your attention, a hot shower, a trip alone to the grocery store, an uninterrupted adult conversation, a moment, just one moment to yourself. But there it is again… “Don’t blink! They’ll be walking before you know it!” They say when you complain about how heavy they are getting. Well, I’ve been a mom for 21 months now and I’ve got something to tell you.
THEY. ARE. RIGHT.
Because everything they said is true. And I now find myself telling my first time mom friends to soak up everything single moment. Why? Because babies don’t keep.
You will miss the late night feedings, waking to pump, checking on them at night, changing all the diapers, holding them, rocking them, cuddling them. The first year goes by in a flash. You’ll blink and they will be 6 months old.
So, soak up all you possibly can. Hold them a little longer at bedtime. Rock them just a little bit more. Take in their peaceful, sleeping, little bodies. Admire their cheeks and the softness of their new baby skin. I know you are tired. I know you feel like all you want to do is sleep for a week. I know you want just one moment to yourself. I know you want a night out with your husband. I know that “They grow up fast” or “Soak it all in!” Is NOT what you want to hear during these long days and nights. But I also know that they don’t last forever and when they are gone, you can’t get them back. You’ll wish for one more night nursing your baby to sleep. You’ll go through their clothes, find the tiniest outfit and tear up because it was your favorite. You’ll look at your baby, then at the outfit and wonder how they ever fit into that tiny thing in the first place.
Every single day they are growing and changing. You can’t see it when you’re living the day to day, but when you look back at the pictures on your phone, you won’t believe just how quick it happens. I’m right there with you. I am wondering how my little NICU baby is about to be two years old. I’m wondering why I wished away some of those long nights of waking, feeding, and changing diapers. I’m struggling with the fact that I have a toddler now and he’s so big, is trying so hard to be independent, is finding ALL his emotions, and is getting into everything in the house. I’m seeing how quick the years go by and I’m now wishing the time would slow down.
Life is messy, Mama. But you are strong. And I promise you, you will miss these days. So when one of your seasoned mom friends tells you to “Soak it all in” or your mother in law reminds you “It won’t be like this forever” instead of rolling your eyes and sighing with annoyance, try to remember that they have been where you are. They are telling you because they care and because those days for them are over. They don’t want you to miss these little moments. You may look at them with envy and think you can’t wait to be done raising kids, but they are looking at you, remembering their days with babies. And I’d be willing to bet that they envy you just as much, if not more than you envy them. Cut them some slack and rock that baby just a little bit longer.